Dreams have been guiding me far longer than I expected, probably longer than I remember. Through dreams, I’ve received insights, messages, deja vus, experiences, purging, and beautiful sceneries. I want to dedicate this section to the dreams that helped me break the cycles. I cannot draw at all but I tried using AI like 15 times to try to get this scene as close as possible but for some reason I couldn't even get the man to have feet! Of course I could not get it to look 100% like in my dream but when I see this, it brings up my dream right away. On a side note, if you are not prone to remembering dreams, I highly suggest keeping a dream journal. I honestly cannot wake up right away to find my pen so I actually downloaded a note app on my phone to keep track of my experiences. It is easier for me to type half asleep and then when I have time I transfer all my notes to my journals accordingly. I notice that my dreams become more active after I spend time revising and writing my dreams.

Okay now I want to write about this specific dream. At that time I was dealing with two different dynamics while also trying to step outside religious dogma. Looking back now, it was a very tumultuous time. My soul wanted to explore more on what is considered the left hand path but my mind was creating chaos due to old beliefs. The pull was inevitable though. This was another cycle I just knew I was meant to break. The day after I took the first physical step and lit the first candle to a dark goddess was the day that changed everything. Situations erupted and I could no longer keep myself small. I was ignoring it long enough and it was time for me to face it and unchain myself. It was time for me to stop conforming, people pleasing and letting people walk all over me. After that particular situation exploded, what I call a Tower moment, my deity work exploded as well. It was my wake up call that not only did I need to heal myself from that situation but it was time to face my shadow and dive deep inside myself and my life. I had a strong attachment that was taking a heavy toll on me and I just couldn't handle it by myself anymore. I asked for help and until this day I cannot believe how fast help was given. It was a month-long deity work that helped me loosen the attachment by working on myself. I term it loosen because it took another round for me to really break this specific attachment. Also, healing to me is always a work in progress.

I wonder if you can guess the three deities involved at this time?

This dream came to me at the end of the first week. On Week 1, I worked with one deity for illumination and shadow work. Week 2, I worked with another deity for emotional sovereignty and boundaries. Week 3 was with both for integration and Week 4 was more about embodiment. 

After the first week, I was mentally exhausted. I had so many situations and triggers thrown at me during the day in my life and at night in my dreams. Psychic attacks, people’s shadow, projection, reactions, my own as well.

By the end of Week 1, I really wondered what Week 2 would be about since I felt like I went through it all during the first week, boy was I wrong. The day before Week 2 I woke up from this dream and I knew EXACTLY where it was going. Family…Inner Child and Heart Healing. 

I now realize that one cannot healthily put boundaries up when our emotions are controlling us. 

The start of this dream I was with my dad as he was showing me the place he and my dad lived when they just got together. He was trying to remember the door. The first one was slightly opened but it was pitch dark inside. It felt like a void, the abyss. We then knocked on the second door and this guy, super friendly, opened and gave us the key he had been holding for keepsakes. The key was for the door my dad was looking for. The feeling and scene I felt when that third door opened was so surreal, almost unexplainable. In that room I felt the hardship my parents went through, I felt the strain my dad went through back then with my mom and sorrow and regret now that mom passed away. I had so much anger due to family dynamics after my mom passed away, but this dream was the breakthrough I needed to begin healing to balance compassion and boundaries for my own personal sovereignty..