Staying present has been one of the key factors in staying true to myself and not listening to the noise. There will be noise. Especially at the very beginning. I’ve noticed the noise reduces as time goes by but of course life will life and there will be days you have to try harder to stay present. I catch myself listening to the noise because to me it shows up as overthinking, replaying conversations, over-analyzing different scenarios on how I should have responded, etc. I literally catch myself and tell myself Let It Go. I used to think that talking to myself even in my mind means I am officially crazy, but you know what’s crazier to me now? Giving my energy to conversations that have passed already! Giving myself anxiety, exhaustion, panic for situations and people that I cannot change or control. We take ourselves from doing things that we actually enjoy by staying trapped in our mind. Then we resent these situations and people for taking our joy away when in reality we are the ones that let them. We probably made the tension ten times bigger in our own mind while that person just went on about their day like 7 hrs ago. I say probably because I have been guilty of this at some point in my life. A perfect example is coworkers. For so long I would come home in a bad mood because of other people’s attitude and it began to cause tension within my marriage. I resented them, I resented my partner for not understanding, I resented myself for not being happy until I said what the hell am I doing? I am happy, I am grateful for my life. I am letting what happened during working hours affect me at my home? My space?!
One thing to know for sure. People will people and miserable people even get joy in bringing others down to their level. It is just fun for some people to act poorly towards other people. It really is like the strawberry spreading mold to the strawberry touching it. They thrive on it too, and all it takes from them is maybe even just a minute of bad interaction, seconds even, Honestly, this is when I got mad at myself. I was starting to be miserable at home for mere interactions with acquaintances?! Strangers really… I remember when I started detaching and firmly putting my boundaries up! Oh they did not like it. I used to describe their first reactions as snakes who just got their heads cut off. So much venom! I was appalled at first on how blind I truly was to these people’s true nature. Their true intentions quickly showed at the beginning, but I didn’t see it as failure on my part. I saw it as finally being liberated by seeing the truth. I stress Mindfulness because there will be a push back(s). It will be at the beginning, in a week, month, when you least expect it. It come as tension, fake niceness, sympathizing, any form. The important thing is not to live in tension all the time. Staying present with yourself and your boundaries will become more natural as time passes by. The noise will lessen and when it does increases, staying present will allow your mind to return to yourself. To realign.
🌹 01.26.26 🌹
